Some women turn into good drivers... ....So if you are a good driver, watch out for them when they`re turning.
-unknown
Facebook status
Most people want a perfect relationship. I just want a hamburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
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"That`s nice honey." Grandma`s version of "cool story bro."
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Turn your phone off,
Yeah no... I`ll just put it on silent.
Yeah no... I`ll just put it on silent.
-unknown
Sharks aren`t the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would attack him too..
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"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow`s blessings instead of your own." - Harold Coffin
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So, I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out, and I was all like, OMg.
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Motivational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
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Alarm Clocks: Yes... because every morning should start with a heart attack.
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"I`m going to bed" really means "I`m going to lay in my bed and be on my phone for an hour or so.".
-unknown