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“Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning” is the human equivalent of “turning it off and on again”
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The first person to make popcorn must have been seriously freaking out.
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I wonder how many times I’ve seen the same bird.
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If you clean your vacuum cleaner you’re making your vacuum cleaner and you’re a vacuum cleaner.
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"Teenagers drive like they have limited time & old people drive like they have all the time in the world."
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Hoodies are security blankets for adults.
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Why do the Ninja Turtles wear masks? Nothing else looks like them.
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If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
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Being a teenager is the awkward stage where you like adults more than the kids, but the kids like you more than the adults do.
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LIKE IF “See you next year” must be the most over used dad-joke every December.
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