When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
-unknown
Facebook status
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
-unknown
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
-unknown
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
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Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
-unknown
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
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If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
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Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
-unknown
If you think about it, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
-unknown