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No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it

Scientists say the universe is made up of: protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

have you ever been loved and then dumped and you think "was that even love""what is love really feel feel like" well what i am thinking is "i will never be happy again until i have you to my self"

That awkward moment when your friend starts arguing with their parents in a different language.

I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?

If someone doesn`t like me, that`s fine. It just means one less person I have to be nice to.

"Low Battery, connect charger"
Um, you`re a smart phone, connect your damn self!"

love is when someone asks for a starburst and you give them a red or pink one

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.