My therapist says I am socially awkward because I always misunderstand what people mean. I`m pretty sure she wants me.
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Facebook status
Hey Arnold is probably Stewie`s real father.
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A girlfriend would be great, but I`m already in a pretty committed relationship with alcoholism and bad decisions.
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Every mother on earth gave birth to a child. Except for my mother... she gave birth to a legend.
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Dropping something, and then catching it mid-air and feeling like a ninja.
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No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
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Tip of the day: When eating a taco hold it over a another tortilla so when the stuff falls out...boom extra taco
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It`s so sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we`re still in the top 10.
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I`m as bored as a fat kid with a plate of carrots.
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Those cheap pencils with erasers that screw up the paper more than the mistake you want to erase.
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