I wonder if I’ll ever have to write Earth at the bottom of a postal address.
-unknown
Facebook status
An Alarm clock is something we get frustrated at when it does its job and also when it doesn’t.
-unknown
Do you ever pee and then you still have to pee after you pee but you can’t pee because you just peed.
-unknown
As I get older, birthday parties are less about presents and more about presence.
-unknown
If you can’t afford a condom, then you really can’t afford NOT to have a condom.
-unknown
I want to be rich enough to realize money can’t buy me happiness.
-unknown
Thousands of years ago vegetarians were just “bad hunters”
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“According to a new study” is the adult version of “my parents said”
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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you do for fun.
-unknown
I actively try to avoid people I know in public, yet I’m always looking for people I know when in public.
-unknown