*Police officer walks up to me* POLICE: "Where were you between 4 and 6?" ME: "Kindergarten."
-unknown
Facebook status
*In a relationship* 20 hot guys/girls trying to hit you up. *Single* No one likes you..
-unknown
I have a smart phone with a dumb battery.
-unknown
Dancing Party: ~(`,`~) (~`,`)~ \\(`-`\\) (/`-`)/ \\(`-`\\) (/`-`)/ ε(‾^‾)з \\(‾^‾)/ ƪ(˘⌣˘)┐ ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ ┌(˘⌣˘)ʃ
-unknown
Liking a Facebook status that is clearly about you, because you`re a fearless bastard.
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LIKE IF : I know I`ll be the idiot who trips down the isle on my wedding day.
-unknown
Don`t "bro" me if you don`t know me.
-unknown
That awkward moment when you realize you`re falling in love and you`re like: Oh crap!
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Oh, you only live once? I had no idea, please tell me more.
-unknown
Dear Stomach, you`re bored, not hungry so shut up, please.
-unknown