Everyone has that one ex they don`t want the world to know they ever dated.
-unknown
Facebook status
Kissing a girl on the cheek = (good). Kissing girl in the mouth = (awesome). Kissing girl in front of her ex = (boss).
-unknown
The best thing ever in life is to walk around in a kitchen with a lot of food like Pac-Man when you`re hungry.
-unknown
Wife: Baby, I`m pregnant. What do you want it to be? Husband: A joke.
-unknown
If you never jumped from one couch to another to save yourself from the lava, then you didn`t have a childhood.
-unknown
That awkward moment when someone`s zipper is open and you don`t know if you should tell them.
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"Dude, you`re singing the wrong words" " No i`m not, I`m making a remix"
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It`s funny how you keep checking your phone like someone loves you. They don`t.
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There is NEVER a valid reason to like your own status on Facebook!
-unknown
It`s impressive how little information I need on someone before I decide I don`t like them.
-unknown