Facebook status

There is no angry way to say "bubbles"... try it :)

I`m old enough to know better, young enough to try anyways

The fake laugh you have to pull when an old person tells a lame joke

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

We can talk to astronauts in space, but we can’t get phone reception inside elevators.

Am I the only one who’s never seen a pizza delivery girl?

Toaster Settings: 1) I do nothing. 2) I do nothing. 3) I SET THE BREAD ON FIRE!

“I never said she stole my money” has 7 different meanings depending on the word you stress.