The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
-unknown
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*casually puts earlier date on assignment before turning it in to make it look like i’m not a procrastinating piece of shit*
-unknown
I hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami
-unknown
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me a damn secrets???
-unknown
The ridiculous thing is that I’m pretty smart but at the same time I manage to be the dumbest person alive.
-unknown
If your ex texts you, its probably because they tried to replace you, but failed.
-unknown
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
-unknown
Still waiting for the "once you go black, you never go back" episode of myth busters.
-unknown
Let`s play “how rude can I be until you realize I don`t like you”
-unknown
"Are you crying?" "No, I`m impersonating a fountain."
-unknown