All my friends are getting jobs, engaged, or married. I`m just getting more awesome.
-unknown
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The closer you get to the bathroom, the harder it becomes to hold it in.
-unknown
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear..."Today has been canceled, go back to sleep."
-unknown
Everyone wants to fix shit when it`s too late.
-unknown
There`s a 100% chance that you`re awesome. Act like it.
-unknown
Trying to read a cartoon characters lips is the most frustrating thing ever.
-unknown
Be honest with me. That`s all I ask for.
-unknown
my life is an episode of punkd except nobody comes out to tell me it’s all a joke and it goes on forever
-unknown
Don`t assume my tweets are about you. But if you`re affected by them, then that obviously means you`re guilty of something.
-unknown
I’ve got 99 problems and I’m not dealing with any of them.
-unknown