You can’t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn’t work that way. You’re already hard to want.
-unknown
funny facebook status
Need an ark? I Noah a guy.
-unknown
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them
-Eli
I`m not an alcoholic alcoholics go to meetings, I`m a drunk, we go to parties
-unknown
Friend: "Aww, someone needs a hug!" Me: "Don`t touch me."
-unknown
I`m not trying to impress you or anything but I can fly!
-Roseanne
If you love someone, set them free... If they don`t return... Use your GPS tracking to hunt them down & beat the shit out of em...
-Dorian
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri "What do women want?" She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.
-unknown
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like.
-unknown
I could be a morning person. If morning happened to be around noon.
-unknown