funny facebook status

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I call my mom a milf and she actually gets angry...I`m complimenting u!!!
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A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
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My parents accused me of being a liar. I looked them straight in the eye and said, "Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause..." & walked away like a boss.
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If skinny people go skinny dipping, what do fat people do? The chunky dunk???
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I don`t see why everybody wants the white iPhone, everyone knows the black one runs faster.
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Why couldn`t the ghost get a drink at the bar? They don`t serve SPIRITS!
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I`d participate in more blind taste tests if they didn`t always scream & hit me with their canes while I`m licking them.
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He thought he was clever because his blood test results said A+.
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