My friend Carlos got his car stolen. We just call him Los now
-unknown
funny facebook status
"I wasn`t that drunk" "Dude, you were sitting on the floor with your arms around a hobo, singing `We Found Love` by Rihanna"
-unknown
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"!
-unknown
I`m in shape. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong one.
-unknown
Oh, excuse me Mr. Swagger, either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks, homie.
-unknown
me: I`m going out. parents: with friends? me: Nope, with pokemon.
-unknown
Using moms money: I`m going to buy that, and that. $150? I`m definitely buying that! Using my money: $5? Maybe thats too much..
-unknown
Two beer or not two beer." -Shakesbeer
-unknown
Girls work on their looks, not their minds, because they know boys are stupid, not blind.
-unknown
Fat guy: "I have a 6 pack." Me: "Where?" Guy: "Under my fat. It`s shy."
-unknown