funny facebook status

That long sarcastic laugh you give before you say NO!

I don`t trust anyone who smiles before 9am..

If you find yourself in a situation where you`re about to get your ass kicked, just get naked. Nobody wants to fight a naked guy.

There`s no cool way to chase a bouncing ping pong ball.

I wasn`t that drunk... Dude `You asked a uniformed cop to hold your weed`

If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Don`t exercise fat people are harder to kidnap.

It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."

Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.

I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.