funny facebook status

My girlfriend left me because she said I`m a "Clueless idiot." I didn`t even know I had a girlfriend.

I will just sleep 5 more minutes 7:05" 7:10" 7:15" 8:30?!?!?!? CRAP

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

My mom always says, if you don`t have anything nice to say, don`t say anything at all. Now you know why I don`t talk to you.

If I swallow magnets will I be attractive?

If Monday were shoes, they`d be Crocs.

Row, row, row your boat... gently off a cliff.

You never really know someone until you talk to them at 4 am.

I got fired at my job as a cop. Apparently it`s inappropriate to yell "Pikachu!" while I tase people

1. You cant count your hair.
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2. You cant wash your eyes with
soap.
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3. You cant breathe when your
tongue is out..
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Now please put your tongue back
inside and honestly like if it was
outside :P :D