Friend: "Where are you?" You: "Robbing a bank." Friend: "Omg really?" You: "No wtf! You called my house phone where do you think I am?!"
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funny facebook status
Obama: "I like Coke." Fox news: "Obama declares war on Pepsi!"
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I saw two twins babies. One had a shirt that said `Copy` the other `Paste`. That made my day.
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Never judge a book by its cover. Example: 50 Shades Of Grey is not a book about colors.
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Jingle Bells, facebook smells, tumblr go away. Myspace yuck, bebo sucks...Twitter all the way!...
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I don`t have haters. I have fans in denial.
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A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me "This dog tells me you`re on drugs" I said "I`m on drugs? You`re the one talking to dogs!?
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I believe in hate at first sight.
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Breaking up with your Chinese boyfriend because it feels Wong.
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It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
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