Funny fact : Farting for six years and 9 months will be around the same energy as an atomic bomb.
-unknown
funny facebook status
I wasn`t that drunk. "dude! You put my iPhone in the blender because you wanted apple juice!"
-unknown
Sometimes I sneak up on my alarm clock when it`s sleeping and yell "HOW DOES IT FEEL B*TCH"
-unknown
Son: Dad I lost my phone and it`s on vibrate.
Dad: You know what they say
Son: No, what??
Dad: If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Dad: You know what they say
Son: No, what??
Dad: If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
-unknown
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
-unknown
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude.
-unknown
Normal person flirting: "Hey sexy;)"
Me flirting: "If you were a potato... you`d be a good potato."
Me flirting: "If you were a potato... you`d be a good potato."
-Moinul
Vending machines are so homophobic. I`m sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.
-unknown
HOW TO HAVE A GREAT MONDAY:
1. You can`t
2. You won`t
3. You don`t
1. You can`t
2. You won`t
3. You don`t
-unknown
Bad: Stepping in dog feces. Worse: Stepping in dog feces with no shoes on.
-unknown