Can`t believe people still go to the gym when you can just post it as your status and go have some ice cream.
-unknown
funny facebook status
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
-unknown
Dentist: *Stabs you in the mouth*
Dentist: "You`re bleeding because you don`t floss."
Dentist: "You`re bleeding because you don`t floss."
-unknown
I can’t get out of bed. These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and If I leave now I might lose their trust.
-unknown
Excuse me baby, but you dropped something... My number ;)
-unknown
We all have a friend who never has a clue of what`s going on.
-unknown
"Hey, it`s been 6 seconds, go check your phone again!" - My Brain
-unknown
Mom: "Can I use your laptop?"
Me: *Deletes history, logs out of every site, double check history, stands over her shoulder the whole time*
Me: *Deletes history, logs out of every site, double check history, stands over her shoulder the whole time*
-unknown
me: I`m so lonely
person: hey
me: leave me alone
person: hey
me: leave me alone
-unknown
The most common phrase in China: "Hey! You look familiar!"
-unknown