After I was born the Doctor had to slap my ass to get me breathing, I was so pissed after that I didn`t speak to anyone for almost two years
-unknown
funny facebook status
I don`t normally do this, but like for a like?
-Aaron
`LOL` the biggest lie on the INTERNET.
-unknown
Never trust the guy at the gym working out in normal clothes
-unknown
I wasn`t mad.
Then you asked me 10 times if I was mad.
Now I`m mad.
Then you asked me 10 times if I was mad.
Now I`m mad.
-unknown
Mom: “You do realize that one day you’ll have to pay for all your own things.”
Me: “Yes but today is not that day.”
Me: “Yes but today is not that day.”
-unknown
Any time a bird craps on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch, just to show the birds what I`m capable of.
-unknown
I`m on a seafood diet ... I see food and I eat it. ;)
-unknown
*In principals office*
Principal: "Have a seat."
Me: "Thank you!" *Picks up chair and leaves*
Principal: "Have a seat."
Me: "Thank you!" *Picks up chair and leaves*
-unknown
Imagine all the retarded things a dog sees their owners do each day
-unknown