I`m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I`m a drunk, we go to parties.
-unknown
funny facebook status
Cop: You been drinking? Me: No. Cop: Say the alphabet backwards. Me: Alphabet the. Cop: Hilarious. Say each letter. Me: Each letter.
-Dorian
Sign said "WET PAINT" So I emptied my Dasani water bottle on it. I`m currently waiting on further instructions.
-Dorian
Big shout out to nature for not giving spiders wings.
-unknown
parents logic: "Im in a bad mood. l think l`ll go yell at my kids so they`re in a bad mood too."
-unknown
If your plan A doesn`t work, don`t sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters.
-unknown
Girls eyebrows these days be looking like they got sponsored by nike.
-unknown
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`ve ever wanted in a friend.
-unknown
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"
-unknown
Who else used to think Courage the Cowardly dog was the scariest show ever?
-unknown