A mathematician`s favorite place in New York City? Times Square.
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funny facebook status
What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? "Must be an earthquake."
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A GPS is only good if you can remember where you wanted to go in the first place.
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thinks nothing is better than pooing at work...you`re getting paid to poo!
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I sleep better naked...why can`t the flight attendant understand this?
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I must be wishing on someone else`s star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for.
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is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: “I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!”
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How To Be A Hero tip: When destroying the enemy be sure to kill all the criminals in reverse order of importance before confronting the kingpin himself.
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I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
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Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up
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