funny facebook status

I`m great at remembering names. I just don`t remember which one`s yours. ツ

A guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school`s swimming pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water... Is that wrong?

I`ve said no to alcohol for years but it still won`t listen.

I just read a list of `the 100 things to do before you die`. I`m pretty surprised `yell for help` wasn`t one of them...

says people are always asking whats the meaning of life, why dont they just look it up in the dictionary. Duh!!!!

I`m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.

Is attempting to drown a fish,
this could take a while.

says it`s been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I`m afraid to go to the bathroom....

Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!

Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.