funny facebook status

If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.

That awkward moment when your parents tell you to stay in the line when you`re shopping, and when you`re almost near the cashier, they`re not even back yet.

I like turtles because they`re so chill. They don`t hurt anyone. They`re just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I`m gonna take my time getting there, I`m not in a rush. Because I`m a turtle."

I did it on my bed... I did it on the couch... I did it in the car... Texting is such an obsession. ;)

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Is it strange if I ask my ex if I could use her as a reference on my resume for a new girlfriend?

Gravity... The only thing that can keep me down :)

Theres a fine line between tan, and looking like you rolled in doritos. :)

When life gives you ORANGES, stand on top of a tall building, and throw them at people. It`s fun :D