funny facebook status

"There`s plenty other fish in the sea."...."I`m human, why would I want to date a fish?
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How I can remember a song from when I was 8, but i can`t remember for the life of me, why I went into the kitchen!
-unknown
If I was a bird,I know who I`d sh●t on first.(;
-unknown
AwesoMe ends with Me and Ugly starts with U ;)
-unknown
"awhh. u have grown so much! i remember when u were just a little babyy!" "who are u!?"
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``MOM! i can`t find it`` `` if i come up there and i`ll see it.. you`re dead`` ```...found it.."
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Dear kids, There is NO Santa Claus. Those presents are from your parents. Love, WikiLeaks
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`You`re tall, do you play basketaball?`...`You`re short, do you play minigolf?`
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Life`s like a bird .. it`s pretty cute until it craps on your head..
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Hey, Remember When I Told You Not To Tell Anyone? Thanks For Doing The Exact Opposite...
-unknown