I`ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very Chuck E Cheese.
-Dorian
funny facebook status
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
-Dorian
Sorry that offended you, I really didn`t think you`d get it.
-Dorian
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
-Dorian
Some cunt in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha."
Me: 20 x 0 = 0.
Me: 20 x 0 = 0.
-unknown
"You actually have friends?" "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"
-unknown
You`re not fat, you`re just.. easier to see.
-unknown
Me: Hello there`s like a thousand dead people here!
Police: where are you!?
Me: At the cemetery.
Police: where are you!?
Me: At the cemetery.
-unknown
How people set the Alarm: Others - "7AM"
Me - "6.30 AM, 6.45 AM, 6.50 AM, 6.55 AM, 7 AM."
Me - "6.30 AM, 6.45 AM, 6.50 AM, 6.55 AM, 7 AM."
-unknown
That moment of terror when you`re taking a shower and you get shampoo in your eyes and then you feel like there`s a monster in front of you.
-unknown