Police: "You were going fast." Me: "I was trying to keep up with traffic." Police: "There isn`t any." Me: I know! That`s how far behind I am
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funny facebook status
I forgot to turn off my SWAG before I went to sleep yesterday. I woke up homeless and working at McDonalds.
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Scientists say the world is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
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I want to steal a doughnut truck and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watching cops chase a doughnut truck on the news.
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`Mom, can we go to McDonalds?" "there`s food in the fridge." "That`s not what I asked...`
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If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace, how many bedrooms would your mansion have?
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I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
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Right before I die I`m going to say "I left a million dollars in the......"
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My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
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Sober, we don`t know each other. Drunk, we are best friends.
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