I’m not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
-unknown
funny facebook status
That awkward moment when you get out of the shower & there`s no towel.
-unknown
Mirror - "Ooh you look cute today!" Camara - "Lol, no."
-unknown
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going? Me: I was trying to keep up with traffic. Cop: There`s no traffic. Me: That`s how far behind I am!
-unknown
*On a roller coaster* Other People: "AHHH! WOOOHOO!" You: "HOLY sh*t, GET ME OFF THIS!!"
-unknown
That awkward moment when no one in bikini bottoms knows who Pearl`s mom is.
-unknown
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
-unknown
That awkward moment when an atheist sneezes & you say, "god bless you."
-unknown
“Who’s that?” “What are they doing?” “What’s happening?”; “Shut up and watch the movie”..
-unknown
The awkward moment when someone you like talks to you and all you can do is smile like an idiot.
-unknown