Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
-unknown
funny facebook status
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
-Dorian
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
-Dorian
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
-Dorian
12 years of school and I`m still not sure if it`s “grey” or “gray”
-unknown
Me: Hey close the door.
Parent: *leaves door open 2 centimeters*
Me: *dying whale noise*
Parent: *leaves door open 2 centimeters*
Me: *dying whale noise*
-unknown
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
-Dorian
Whoever said "money doesnt grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
-unknown
True friends don`t judge each other. They judge other people together.
-unknown
Getting caught in one of those, "It`s not what it looks like" moments.
-unknown