funny facebook status

| Shower = 2% Wash Body | 3% Wash Hair | 95% Contemplate Life |
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Friend: "Omg, your parents are so nice!" ... You: "It`s because you`re here."
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BEFORE b-e-f-o-r-e not "B4" we speak english not bingo.
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Well SOMEONE had extra sugar on their bitch-flakes this morning!!”
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I need to stop being so e̶m̶o̶t̶i̶o̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶.̶ SEXY
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In every cinema, there`s always that awkward couple kissing in the corner and I`m just there like "uhm.. i like my popcorn."
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Thank you for reading this, I have officially wasted your time.
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You know what`s odd? About every other number.
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If your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere expensive.. Take her to the Gas Station.
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*When my parents are asleep* Me- "Shh! they`re sleeping" ... *When I`m asleep* Parents- "Let`s vacuum the house for 3 hours"
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