When I get in an elevator, before I press a button, I look at everyone inside & say: "Are you ready to take this shit to a whole new level?"
-unknown
funny facebook status
you know you`re blonde when you spend like 10 minutes trying to put milk away in the cupboard before realizing that it goes in the fridge.
-Logan
Zebras are just living, breathing barcodes.
-unknown
That WTF moment when your toothpaste does a suicide dive off of your toothbrush.
-unknown
That time late at night where you find everything hilarious. *sees a pencil* "Look! It`s a pencil! HAHAHAHAHAH" :`)
-unknown
What do you call an Alligator in a vest? and IVESTIGATOR.
-unknown
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
-unknown
Excuse me, here`s your nose.....I found it in my business.
-unknown
Saying "Beer can" with a British accent sounds like "Bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
-unknown
Excuse me... Excuse me... Excuse.. WHAT THE HELL MOVE?!
-unknown