funny facebook status

``I wasn`t that drunk.`` Dude you threw my parrot and screamed "Angry Birds.``
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Slut: OMG I lost 5 pounds! Nerd: So you finally took off your makeup...
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If I had a nickel for every time you made me angry I would put all the money in a bag and whack you with it ♥
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"LOOK!", "Hold on", "Looook!", "HOLD ON!", "F*CKING LOOOOK!", "OKAY, what?", "You missed it."
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It took Harry Potter 7 long books to catch the bad guy while It only takes scooby doo 25 minutes.
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That moment of truth when you open the reply to the risky text you just sent.
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Every teenager has tried to fit their fat asses on a baby swing.♥
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"Dude she just called you Mexican!" "Que??"
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"Dude, she just called you stupid!" "Oh hell no.. Hold my- wait... What`s a dude?"
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Admit it, You once made a little kid cry and then made them laugh so you wouldn`t get in trouble.
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