funny facebook status

That moment when you instantly have karate moves when a bee flys by.

I changed my car horn sound to gun shots, people move out of the way much faster now.

On a scale of one to Adele, How bad was your breakup?

Funny thing to do: Follow a random family around Disney World for a day, just be in the background of all of their photos.

What if April fools was April 2nd? and we were fooled all this time.

TWILIGHT: Happy Bella- •_• Sad Bella- •_• Excited Bella- •_• Angry Bella- •_• Shocked Bella- •_• Confused Bella- •_• and yet she still wins best actor of the year in Kids Choice Awards.

Common sense is like deodorant... The people who need it most never use it.

Dear Mom, thanks for not answering the phone. I could be locked in some rapist`s basement for all you know. Thanks, nice to know im loved.

"But mom... what if I get kidnapped?" `Trust me, they will bring you back.` Me: -_-

When you forget the name of something when you`re about to ask for it: "Can you pass me that thing?" "what thing?" "THAT THING!