funny facebook status

"I`m 16 and my boyfriend is 40, is that bad?" ``You spelled dad wrong."
-unknown
"I wasn`t that drunk!" "Dude, you went to the train station and rammed against the wall, trying to get to Hogwarts!"
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"I wasn`t that drunk!" "Dude...you were yelling `Come at me Bro!` to the mirror."
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*Police pulls me over* POLICE: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" ME: "Because you were bored and wanted someone to talk to?
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What did the Ocean say to the other Ocean?...Nothing they just Waved...Did you Sea what I did there?...I`m Shore you did, Beach
-unknown
Gently placing your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shh, not another word" is super romantic... but cops don`t seem to think so.
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British:" `Helloo beautiful. How are you my love?" Australian:"G`day mate!" Canadian: "Eh?" American: "Aye shawty, whadup?"
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On a scale of 1 to Spongebob how ready are you?
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Did you know? Its impossible to say “Good Eye Might” without sounding Australian?
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I always hear the ice cream truck, but I "never" see it. I think my neighbors are just jerks who like to play the music.
-unknown