Things to do today: 1.Dig a hole 2. Name it love 3. Watch people fall in love
-unknown
funny facebook status
Friend: "OMG! A cockroach!" Me: "Dude, chill it`s just a cockroach." *Roach opens its wings* Me: "Run bitch, run!"
-unknown
Out of curiosity, I entered the word idiot into my GPS just to see what happens and guess what??? Put the kettle on cause I`m outside your place .
-Dorian
If life throws you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy The company Life works for and Fire Life from it, That`ll teach the bitch
-Dorian
"My memory is so bad" " how bad is it?" "how bad is what?"
-unknown
I don`t hate you, I just...never mind I hate you.
-unknown
Did you know that if you open your mouth and stick your tongue out, you can`t breathe?.
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............................... Good dog!
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............................... Good dog!
-unknown
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
-unknown
You`re so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn`t come back to you.
-unknown
Me: "mom... dad.. I decided to live on my own from now on" Them: "ok, cool" Me: "your luggage is outside".
-unknown