Hate when i loose something and my parents says "well i guess u didnt care about it enough" like you`ve lost me in a grocery store before so
-unknown
funny facebook status
Can`t trust a bitch who lets the microwave hit 0, she doesn`t care about her life...she probably jumps on the lava part of the floor too.
-unknown
My neighbor obviously doesn`t watch porn. She asked me to come fix her sink, I been here for an hour and i`m still fixing the damn sink.
-unknown
House phone: *rings*
Me: nah
Me: nah
-unknown
"I wasn`t that drunk!" Dude you walked up to a truck and whisper "I know your secret..... Optimus Prime"
-unknown
Twenty years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash, and no hope. Please, don`t let Kevin Bacon die.
-unknown
I`m a huge fan of 50 Cent or as he`s known in Zimbabwe.. Four hundred million dollars
-unknown
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
-unknown
Forgetting to bring your phone to the toilet when you`re going to poop is like forgetting to bring a gun to war.
-unknown
Me: "Hurry, give me a shoe to kill the spider!" *Friend gives me my shoe* "No BITCH not MY shoe!"
-unknown