funny facebook status

If you never jumped from one couch to another to save yourself from the lava, then you didn`t have a childhood.

It`s funny how you keep checking your phone like someone loves you. They don`t.

Dear sidewalk, Please get wider... Sincerely, third friend walking behind feeling excluded...

If something Bad happens you drink in attempt to forget, If something good happens you drink to celebrate, And if nothing happens you drink to make something happen !

You know you`re in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.

LIKE IF: Saying nevermind when you’re just too lazy to re-explain the whole story.

What does Dora teach? 2% Spanish. 98% Backpack! Backpack!

2pac + Eminem + 50 cent = 2 packs of M&M`s for 50 cents.

Guy: "Age is just a number." Me: "Well then jail is just a room."

Txt messages from a stalker - You gave me a wrong number, but I got the right one.